As an adult I have never been fully dependent on someone else. I mean this in a physical sense. I have not had a surgery or an injury that has left me immoveable or incapable of taking care of my basic needs. I have had an injury or two, a sickness or two, that have caused great discomfort and slowed my pace to a crawl. But I could still crawl if I had to. My wife and I did not see eye to eye on my needs in these moments. I was down and it was her moment to shine. She wanted me to be dependent on her. She wasn’t glad that I was hurting. She felt much sadness to see me in a weakened condition. However, she did not take on my sickness. I was down, but she was not. She did not pity me and act if she was injured also. My weakness became her strength. She became my legs and feet, my arms and hands. She gave back to me what my sickness was trying to steal.
I could have managed without her. I could have endured the extra pain, taken the extra time. Thank God that I didn’t have to. But I wanted to do more. I didn’t want her spending extra time on me, or bearing a heavier load. Also, I did not want to accept that an injury could stop me. I had a hard time being slightly dependent on her. I thought I was being cavalier. Instead I was being selfish.
Being dependent on someone else is not a weakness. Weakness is found more often in personal independence. I cherish my wife and our marriage. I want to continue pursuing her and for our marriage to keep growing. This would be impossible to achieve while also striving for my own independence. Coaches love to say, “There’s no “I” in TEAM.” The point they are trying to instill in their players is dependency. For a team to function at maximum potential, each player has to perform his role, and only his role, to the best of his ability. When each player is confident that all other players are doing the same, then they are displaying dependency on one another, and probably winning a lot of games. Our marriage is a team. We each depend on the other for success.
Accepting dependency in our lives also means we will be involved with others. It also means our lives will be exposed. This makes a lot of us a bit nervous. That’s why we like, “To do it myself.” Doing it myself means no people. It also means no team, which means less power. God never intended for us to be personally independent. He created us to perform best as a team and not as an “I”. From the moment we are born we begin a dependency journey. First we are completely dependent on our parents. As we grow, that dependency shifts and transfers. God walks us through these shifts and transfers hoping we will discover our critical dependency on Him. The sooner we accept our total dependency on Him, the easier we will accept our dependency with others.